It would be fair to say I have spent the majority of my high school career daydreaming about not being there at all. I know I should be grateful that in the old days people cared enough to grant the masses public education so we would not be ignorant, but in my tenure as a student I have grown resentful of the confines placed upon me by some government that obviously didn't know how extraordinary I could be if I was not wasting my time taking P.E. not once, but twice. In my daydreams I usually end up at the conclusion that while I may not be ready to drive, I am certainly ready to formulate my own philosophy. If I had the time, that is. When I think of Kant, Ficino, the Greeks, and Nietzsche, I become almost overwhelmingly jealous of how they sat around being brilliant and writing down these philosophies they supposedly lived.
The truth is, I do not believe I have my own ethics because in essence I have done very little in my life. As Solomon Ibn Gabirol, a Spanish poet, once said, "There is no better measure of intelligence than good behavior." In many ways, ethics are the building blocks of action, which I inherently avoid. However, I am inclined to believe my absence of ethics correlates to my disconnect between action and thought, and Mr. Gabirol would find me a fool because of it. For example, I learned of Gabirol's quotation in the context of teaching ten-year-olds the ways of the one God. While I retain my Jewish identity, I am firmly opposed to actually believing what the Torah says. Half of the time I am amused at hearing my own voice explaining how God works to children who still cannot grasp the concept of an "inside voice", but the other half I am dreadfully conflicted. Who am I to glorify a God I don't believe in to children who purportedly believed an eighth ocean had been discovered?
Despite my lack of action, I do hold ideals that coincide with the ten commandments in assorted ways. While I am all for "Thou shalt not kill," I think every woman should have the innate right to terminate pregnancy. Adultery perpetuates sexually transmitted diseases, and idol worship has been raised to new levels of baseness with the introduction of 'American Idol." Perhaps what distinguishes my ethics from any others is that I would like to believe in universal love and kindness, but I am happy being the judgmental Scorpio I am. That being said, I take it to be an active duty to criticize what I see, because in turn it is my own action. Everything I actually do is quite trivial, but thought is the thread between ethics and action.
In a way, my ethical theories free myself from ethical actions. As I find it completely reasonable to judge even those closest to me, I can live with not speaking up when I think he or she has done wrong, because it does not reflect upon my own character. This may seem selfish, but as Kant thinks everyone should agree on what is beautiful because it should be self-explanatory, I think everyone should know what is right and what is wrong, and if they don't then it is obviously a character flaw. I am not free from this judgment, and as a consequence I daydream about the day when my life will actually begin, and I will act as ethically as I think.
I find myself wondering which is better - to remain an observer of action until one feels one has determined the proper way of acting, or to act "blindly" in the hopes of learning from one's own mistakes. I certainly do not know the answer - likely (as many have said on this blog) it depends on the situation. Like you, I have not "actually done" much that I can feel accomplished about, but I also believe in a time when I will "act as ethically as I think". I think the key to this realization of our potential is to use it to motivate ourselves. I am sure I'm not alone in the dread of growing old without having accomplished anything of worth. So my question is, what is stopping us from doing what is right? Is it time? There is always a bit more time to be squeezed from the day. Is it difficulty? If we can force ourselves to take APs, SATs, and apply to colleges and scholarships for our own benefit (processes which are universally known to be tedious), why can't we spend an afternoon helping out someone in need? However, I am beginning to disgust myself with my empty idealism, as I myself grow overwhelmed at the many things the "must" already be done. But perhaps the blame lies not only with me but also, as I touched on in my post, with the toxic, stressful overload that is our culture. I do not believe we are meant to cope with the complexities we have invented for ourselves - if so we would have evolved to need less sleep and be less affected by stress. Our ancient ancestors certainly did not live with so much distraction, so it seems that it is not our natural inclination. All I can say is that it is much easier for things to become entangled and complicated than simplified and free of knots.
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